This is the only post that will be posted in this page.
I hope so.
Hehe, it's because the only reason I wrote this blog is to express my feelings.
sounds like serious. Haha...
This post is basically about someone that I have kept my feelings towards her for quite sometime.
Looks like I'm in love. Haha, or maybe just have a crush on her.
let call her with a code name, "Ms J".
Note that "J" is not her name. So, don't try to guess anything. Hehe.
To tell you the truth, I don't remember when did I started to like her.
But it is about more than a year ago.
I have been trying to express my feeling towards her.
however, I'm not man enough to do so. Haha...
Feels like I'm a loser from the very beginning.
All this time, I did fell in love with someone else, but I guess that probably I'm not serious about that.
The reason I fell in love with them is probably because of the outside.
Typical man, seeing pretty girl, and then fall in love with them.
However, it's not the same with Ms. J, I have known her for quite some time.
In the beginning, I didn't have any feelings toward her.
I also hardly know of her existence. Haha.
But a few month later, I have a chat with Ms. J for the first time ever.
My heart beats in different rate at that time.
Don't expect my heart to beat fast, because it's not.
At that time, My heart beats at the most unusual rate.
Usually, my heart beats pretty fast, Haha, probably because of my fat body and I desperately gasping for air.
However, at that only moment, I feel tranquil and I get along pretty well with Ms J.
But I'm not sure how she feels at that time.
Since that, my life is not really the same.
As time past by, I'm beginning to know more about her.
Until one time that I found out that she actually is in a relationship with someone else already.
At that time, I feel kinda sad that the only person that can get along pretty well with me is already owned by someone else. haha...
But, I feel happy for her that she has found a good person to take care of her.
Well seriously, I don't think that I am better than anyone else, cause I'm pretty much like a jerk. Haha...
From what I think, any other person is better than me.
Well, why do I think that way? of course.
I not really that good in my study and my education.
Despite my ability to enroll in a university.
My pointer is not that good.
I don't even know what I have been studying all this past years.
I like to play games a lot. but I'm not really good at it.
I don't really know how to treat others.
I often make them feels irritated towards me.
Plus, my appearance is not that good either.
With all that, for what reason that she should choose me over anyone else.
All of my friends always said that, "if you like someone, tell her that you like her, if she likes you too, then she will accept you, if not, then you should find someone else".
I can just follow my friends' advice, but deep inside my heart, I feel guilty to like other person after saying that I like Ms J.
I cannot just say that I like Ms J, then if she doesn't like me the way I like her, I cannot just find someone else and say I like her. If I do that, it feels like my feelings towards Ms J is not true and will not last long.
Seriously, it's hard to love someone, but it's even harder to let go of someone you love.
Currently, I don't really know what to do right now.
Probably just wait for her love OR wait for the feeling towards her to vanish and continue on to like someone else with fake feelings.
until then...
Regards,
Repliforce
