alienated...

am I really that timid?
am I really that useless?
does people noticed my existence?

like it or not, I am really exist.
and I am here.
but it seems, no matter what I do...
people still don't acknowledge me.

I know that I've done some awful things in the past.
I also know that I've done a lot of good things.
but it is a nature that once a person do even one tiny bad things,
people will hate him/her forever...
it's like seeing a blank white-coloured paper with one black dots in the center.
people will only notice the tiny black dots,
they don't even realize how big the white-coloured paper is...

I always kept my Principe "be nice to everyone"...
I know that most people don't think like I do...
most of them believe that the should be nice to their friends and family,
or maybe be nice to anyone except someone who's bad.
but I believe that you should be nice to everyone, even to your arch enemy...

I don't mind if they think I'm the most evil-lazy-stupid person in the world, cuz I don't care...
but I do mind when they do that and then take advantage from me...
when I'm trying to be nice, ignoring me is the only thing that they do.
when they need help, I'm the last person the would ask for, even though I'm closest to them and I'm the one that can help...
you know how it feels to be ignored...but seriously, I don't really mind about that...
BUT, after they didn't get what they ask for from someone else, then they would come to seek my help...
what was that for?
I'm the CLOSEST but I'm the LAST in their list...
what kind of people would treat others like that...
since that I'm close to them, I know what they are doing, so I know they in need of help...
They just ignore me in the beginning, and now they are asking for my help so their problems can be settled...
what kind of self-centered person are they?

if possible, I wanna keep my distant away from community,
so that none of these problems can occur and affect me.
cuz, the more you know people, the more you will hate them...
only by accepting others weakness and bad habit can help you overcome this..
I know and I'm sure everyone has weakness and their own bad habits...
but if this weakness and bad habits is the reason for you to hate them,
then you're never be able to overcome your weakness...
and you'll never find a true friends...

and now,
I don't think that I should be nice to everyone.
I don't have to even try to understand their feelings.
I don't have to share anything with them.
cuz it will only hurt me a lot.
gimme one good reason why should I care about people who don't even at least try to be nice to me?